Into the Blue
by CreationStartsWithUs
Summary: Nolan & Emily have come to terms that their relationship, whatever it may be, is in trouble. Nolan, desperate to stay partners in crime with Emily, decides it's time to take her somewhere new. There, they learn new things about themselves and each other.
1. Ultramarine

_(Author's Note: I ship Nolan with a lot of people, mainly for the fact that Nolan/Gabriel Mann seems to have chemistry with everyone he comes in contact with but my biggest ship is Nolan and Emily. I love them as friends, as potential lovers, as partners in crime. As long as they are in the same room together, I'm happy. Let's see how this turns out. I'm hoping that love and sex falls into place, but who knows, really? You can't push it, it has to feel natural.)_

His fingers grasped at the laces that were hooked to his neon blue sneakers. They matched a jacket he once owned, and his teeth nipped at the corner of his mouth as if he was concentrating very hard. This routine was daily, as daily as brushing his teeth and pouring a cup of coffee, only this time, it was different. He took his coffee black with one sugar. He liked it bitter but he also had a sweet tooth. For years he had tried to pin down what it was he did like, and what it was he didn't. He liked koala bears because of their instincts to hug, he liked technology because it was so fascinating, and he liked apples because they had been said to keep the doctor away. He never much liked doctors. While he appreciated the skill they carried and how they were healers with scalpels, he didn't like checkups and people taking his blood. He never liked corn because it went from creamed, to the shine on magazine covers and he never ever had liked people who weren't humble. As rich as he was, this generations Bill Gates, he always remained down to earth, even if he did own a private helicopter and a jet stationed in Ibiza. The laces looped in the directions he desired and his fingers formed a knot before he steadied his shaking hands. Today was different, today was about a girl.

While Nolan Ross of NolCorp had always been loyal to Amanda Clarke and to Emily Thorne equally, he still made mistakes. There was no way to get around them. It was hard to be so loyal to the woman without crossing lines, without getting in her way. He had gotten in the way and they hadn't spoken to each other in more than a week which was unusual for them. He wondered if she needed his help and was taking care of it on her own, or if she was simply waiting for him to repair things so that her "Revengenda" wouldn't be compromised. Nolan wondered if she was on a time limit, if vengeance would run cold in her blood. He didn't want her to run cold, she was hot blooded, very hot blooded, she had to be. While her father, David Clarke didn't want her to seek revenge on those that hurt their family, she chose that life and Nolan promised David he would stick by her no matter what path she chose to travel. Today was about saying he was sorry.

* * *

><p><strong>FLASHBACK: Amanda Clarke's Release <strong>

Nolan Ross sat in a black sleek SUV and looked at the driver who would take him around since he was too scared to drive. He had never liked driving, it made him nervous. While he could do it, he chose not to. Now, with all the money he had made thanks to David Clarke, he didn't have to. He took a breath and looked down at his dark jeans, the long sleeved shirt and the t-shirt he put over that one. On the neck of his shirt hung sunglasses because he had heard it was either going to rain or it was going to be sunny like no other day before it. He didn't have to use the sunglasses or the umbrella yet. He squinted, mostly because his dark hair was in his eyes and he saw Amanda Clarke who looked to be about eighteen, standing there, waiting. She was waiting for _him_. Their first words were of business, and he could tell she was angry, a firecracker in a tall frame. Her hair was dyed dark and he wondered what she traded to get the hair dye in the first place. Did she collect cigarettes and trade them on the inside? Did she work for tokens to get it? He didn't really know the intricacies of the system and he felt no need to. Maybe one day, he would ask her about it. All that mattered was now.

He let her into the car and she immediately held the engraved box her father had left her, in her lap. She gripped it tightly and refused to open it again with him sitting there. That would have to be a private moment. He understood that, he understood her anger, and the fire behind her dark eyes. Everything about her was dark, but that was also understandable. She had been through enough pain for anyone's lifetime. Curling his tongue behind his teeth, he watched her.

She peered over with eyes like daggers. "Can I help you?"

Nolan let his eyes snap back to the back of the driver's seat. He wondered why he even chose to sit back there in the first place. He could have called shotgun and it would have solved all his problems, but he felt closer to Amanda Clarke than she would ever feel to him. He knew so much about her, just by talking to her father. She didn't know a single thing about him, besides his name.

"I knew your father," he murmured.

She turned her neck, perhaps a bit too quickly. "You already mentioned."

Nolan took a breath and she watched his chest rise and fall. Something about him was attractive to her, but that might have been because she was locked up with a bunch of women for what felt like forever.

"I thought it was worth mentioning again," he replied as he gripped his cell phone, as if he was praying for someone to save him. He was never quite good in social situations.

"So what, you were like friends with him, or something? Good for you, the parade is on its way," she stated, sarcastically.

He cleared his throat and tapped his finger against the phone's exterior. She watched his every move like a hawk, trying to figure him out. "He was more like a father to me."

Amanda rolled her eyes. "Well at least he was a father to somebody."

Nolan was shocked for a moment but then he regained composure, he had to, or he would lose her. "He told me about you."

"Oh yeah, what did he tell you?" she asked as she let her fingers run along the grain of the wood of the box.

Nolan blinked before catching her attention with his gaze. "Everything, everything we could squeeze into our meetings."

Amanda Clarke rolled her eyes once more and he was sure this was going to be a thing between the two of them, "How specific."

The tall scruffy man sighed. "We'll get to all that, if that's what you want. You and I, we'll be talking a lot I believe. You have a lot of hard decisions to make."

The dark haired girl kicked her feet up so they were resting against the back of the empty passenger's seat. "Great, just what I needed. So where are we going?"

Nolan Ross let his shoulders slump a bit with a lazy shrug. "I figured we would go back to my place."

Amanda quickly interjected. "Look if you're taking me back to your place for a quickie, you can forget about it."

Nolan shook his head just as quickly as she interrupted him. "No, no quickie. I respect you too much to take advantage of you."

She scoffed. "I was kidding. I would never touch you, not even if you paid me to."

He smirked. He liked her spunk. "You don't have to worry about that. I tend to save my money for things that are really needed."

She looked out the window. "Oh, so you're like…cheap."

"Not exactly, just you and me, that's not going to happen. You're troubled, big ball of darkness, Eeyore during a storm. You're not my type."

She almost pouted, but was thankful that she didn't feel rejected. Amanda Clarke just didn't like anyone labeling her to be anything she wasn't. Maybe he was right. She just didn't know anymore. All her feelings were now wishy-washy toward everything. "You know…you could make do with some color in your wardrobe too."

Nolan smirked and looked down at his ensemble. "I'll take that into consideration."

* * *

><p><strong>PRESENT DAY<strong>

Nolan felt lost in translation; no one quite seemed to ever get him, except maybe people online or Emily Thorne. He wore white slacks and a white belt that held up his pants on his narrow hips. On top, he wore a yellow polo shirt with the collars popped and a white suit jacket over that. He had taken fashion advice from an old friend, long ago. This version of eccentric worked for him. In his hand he fingered his whale cam that he often called Shamu, for a bit of good luck and fortune. He took a deep breath and exhaled before looking at the text on his phone that Emily had sent him a few hours earlier, he didn't smile, it was cold. He didn't like the cool feeling between the two. He was sick to his stomach all day and had drunk far too much alcohol.

He walked to the large wall sized windows that made up his glass house and peered outside it, looking into the night sky that overlooked his large swimming pool. In the moon he could see a face and that always made him grin.

"Here goes nothing," he said to himself as he reached for the keys that he had thrown on his end table, next to the lamp that he had likely bought at IKEA a few years ago.

Light shone and reflected against the walls of the aquarium, bright and blue like the ocean that they were all so fond of. Nolan Ross stood in front of a glowing tank and let the sight of the Clown fish and African Cichlids overwhelm him. He had forgotten what beauties the world held, but coming here always seemed to remind him. During the day he would usually hear the amusement park just outside the Coney Island Aquarium and both places would be very crowded. They were often teaming with teens in love, young children exploring the sea and their first roller coaster rides and elderly couples trying to ignite flames into their otherwise boring and stagnant lives. But then there were people like him, people who came to remind themselves of the little things in life. His grandfather worked at this place a long time ago. He had hardly known the man, but he knew this factoid about him. He wondered what the place was like when it first opened up.

He heard footsteps walk down the carpeted halls. All else was quiet so it didn't come as a surprise to him that he could hear the noise. He knew who it was. It was late at night and he had bought the aquarium for the time being in order to mend things with Emily Thorne, who had arrived right on time. He kept his eyes on the fish in the tank and the coral reefs they hid their little bodies in. In the corner of his eye, he could see her figure. She always had good posture, and she wore beige pants with a white blouse. Her skin looked blue under the lights and she wore sandals that gave her a boost in height even though she didn't need it.

"Why am I here Nolan?" she asked with a scowl on her face. He had seen that scowl directed toward him many times before.

"Isn't the question more, why aren't you here?" he replied, knowing he was playing with fire. He was dancing on a high wire that was bound to snap if he pulled the wrong strings.

Emily Thorne moved in a bit closer and bit her lip, holding back. "Don't play games with me Nolan. I'm not in the mood."

He sighed and let his shoulders slump. "Don't you remember?"

"What?" she asked as she stood on her heels, putting pressure on the backs of her feet.

"This place," the man replied with a serious tone to his voice, letting her know, the game was indeed over.

Emily shook her head; she didn't know what she was supposed to remember or what she was supposed to be feeling. "I haven't a clue, do you mind filling me in, Nolan?"

He nodded, readily available for consultation. "Your father used to take you here as a child."

Emily looked around, as if doing so would jog her memory. "What do you mean? I don't remember that."

He turned to her, catching her eyes with his own blue pair. They looked almost white in the light. "I imagine there's a great deal of things you don't remember Ems."

She put her hands on her hips and moved her neck a bit, still confused. "True enough, so fill me in."

"You'd be too young to remember. Your father told me he took you here when you were just a little thing. He'd put you on top of your shoulders and carry you around the entire day no matter how tired you both got."

Emily bit her lip and looked at the fish, watching them interact with each other. "Why did you bring me here Nolan?" she asked once more.

He sighed, his hands going into his pockets. "I thought you needed a reality check."

She turned to him and crossed her arms. "That's not your decision to make Nolan," she snarled.

"I am aware," he purred before crossing his arms just the same as her. He mirrored her stance because he too did not know how to feel, what to say. It was like he had forgotten how to think altogether.

"Especially after what crap you pulled with Takeda," she proclaimed as she clicked her heels on the floor, just to break the crazy silence of the empty aquarium.

"I thought you were getting over that. I thought that was of the past Ems," he almost whispered, scared of what was going to happen next. He normally didn't have control with her, but now, he felt even less in control than usual.

"You haven't redeemed yourself Nolan," she hissed like a snake as she began to walk away from him.

He followed her like a helpless puppy dog, forever linked to her, enchanted by her under the blue glow of the room. He almost begged. "Throw me a bone here Ems."

She came to a stop in front of the Beluga whales, and she turned around to look at him, knowing she had full power of the blonde eccentric billionaire. "Fine…what do you want Nolan?"

Nolan Ross took a breath. He wanted to make her see him, to value him, but that would take some time. "I want you to listen."


	2. Cerulean

**FLASHBACK**

The eccentric billionaire with the rocky mysterious past listened to the way Amanda Clarke sounded when she breathed. He listened to the way she hummed whatever music was playing on the radio. He listened to his heart beat in his own chest and he could feel it pounding there, as the awkward silence continued. He didn't know how to deal with the teenage girl other than act like his usual self which was gawky and a bit jumpy. He put on a cool front, the way he leaned on car hoods and didn't show up to work related meetings, but inside of him was a scared little boy with a Peter Pan complex.

They pulled up to the front of his apartment building in New York City and got out of the car. Here they were, two brunettes, tall and holding themselves high in order to seem like they had everything under control. They didn't. They were deflated egos in hard pretty shells. They shuffled into the building, Nolan took the role of leader, and his driver went to go park the vehicle in a private garage, a bit further uptown. The building wasn't modern, it was cobblestones on the outside and the inside was decked out like a warm high class hotel instead of a modern masterpiece. He led her to the elevator that was hidden behind a potted palm tree. It reminded her of Florida. She had gone there when she was six to visit her sick Aunt who had passed away, not long after.

"Home?" she asked simply, as she remembered her past for a brief moment. She didn't think of David, but more the scent of the airport when she arrived and the mango tree that her Aunt had had in the backyard.

Nolan nodded. "Home."

They stood in the elevator that made them both take a breath, they didn't like closed corners. She had dealt with it accordingly in her cell but the first night was not a fun one. She had become claustrophobic and tried to escape by banging on the walls until a guard had to take her to the infirmary. She got used to it after that, but she still preferred open spaces.

Stepping out of the elevator he watched her look around. "You live in the penthouse?"

Nolan nodded. "Yes ma'am. Only the best for me," he teased, as he played up his title and stature.

She kept her dark eyes on his every move, as if she was memorizing his every blemish and bone. He opened the door in the front that led to a lavish area where people could take off their coats or shoes, only if they wanted. He didn't mind the dirt, dirt was natural.

Neither chose to remove any clothing articles and he showed her around his place. It was warm and the kitchen had a brick back splash that felt very much like a NYC loft in the meat packing district or in Soho.

"So, what now?" she asked as she plopped down onto a brown leather couch that reminded her of Werther's hard candies.

Nolan shut the door behind them and joined her in the living room where he watched her eyes admire the big screen television. "We have to get a few things sorted out. You're going to have all the money you could ever need available to you when you're 21 years old of age."

She let her boot clad feet rest at the edge of the coffee table, next to a Men's Health magazine that Nolan had bought for the photography more than anything else in the issue. "Because I own some part of your business. Right."

He nodded and sat on the couch across from her. He gripped a wine colored pillow in his hands and pressed into the suede throw blanket he had draped across the back. "Yeah, you've got shares in it; you're a shareholder Miss Clarke."

Amanda nodded and took in the information before he handed her a yellow packet with the legalities of the whole thing. "Cool."

Nolan cracked his knuckles and made a list of business that he had to take care of when it came to her. "Very cool. Sucks that you have to wait till you're 21 but we'll find a way to keep you occupied."

"Not school," She said quickly, "I got my GED on the inside and contrary to popular belief…I'm very well educated. I loved to read as a kid. I got smarts under my belt."

"I'm not questioning your education Amanda. This has nothing to do with what I want for you, but it's just, the law. You know it never exactly works out for our favor," he replied.

"So, you're saying I should look over these papers in here. I should look in the box my father left me and take it from there?" she asked, interested in what he had to say. He was young, compared to all the others. Maybe he would take more pity in her. Maybe he would understand.

* * *

><p><strong>Present Day<strong>

Under the blue light that lit up the room, Nolan walked Emily through each tank and showed her different fish and told her different facts. She was fascinated, and her face lit up as it did when she was a child, as Nolan imagined. They went back to the Beluga whales and watched them rub up against the glass to say hello.

"Nolan, why do you like whales?" she asked as she tried to forgive him for what he had done, what they wouldn't talk about or bring up.

Nolan chuckled, his body shaking with the laugh. "What do you mean?"

Emily smirked as she extended her leg, looking at her heel and the carpeted rug beneath them. "Whale cam, whale pants, there seems to be a theme here."

He shrugged. "I like them because you like them."

"I like them?" she asked as she looked over at him. Her eyebrows were raised with curiosity and wonder. He always amused her, even if she didn't tell him, or show any interest. He was a good companion to have around.

"You liked them as a girl. David told me, your father told me."

"Oh," she murmured as she stepped toward the tank. Pressing her fingers to the glass, she let the pale whales come close to her.

"You'd sit perched on his shoulders but when he took you to this tank, you'd squirm in his arms and you'd make him hold you. You wanted to get closer, every time," he mused.

Emily sighed and tried not to think about her father because it hurt too damn much, but it was hard, at this point, not to.

"You said you liked them, because they were happy. They smiled," Nolan said as he watched emotions set onto her face. She could no longer hold back her grief for her father's demise. She hadn't thought about his death in a long time, and she had yet to really mourn the man.

She didn't want him to see her cry but tears began to flourish in the rims of her eyelids. He reached his arm around her as they stood there together, and this time she didn't pull away from him. Taking a breath, the tears began to fall and she curled into him, against his chest. His heart beat fast as he let her cling to him. He moved one hand against the back of her head as she regained composure against his torso. She pulled back and turned away from him. She rubbed her eyes and walked away from the thin man.

"Ems, it's okay. Amanda, it's okay," he stated, in a desperate plea to get her to stay.

She turned around quickly and pointed her finger at him. "Don't!"

He eased back and leaned against the wall, as if he was going to light a cigarette. "Don't, what?"

"Don't you call me that Nolan. Amanda Clarke no longer exists." She stated, as if it was a fact in an almanac or on Wikipedia.

Nolan ignored her comments and stepped toward her. She didn't move, and now, she felt paralyzed with the fear of actual, real intimacy with someone who knew the real her.

"I like whales because you liked whales. I wanted to feel closer to you when you left all those years ago. You see, I felt connected to you because of my relationship with your father. I know you didn't feel anything, but I began to live my life according to what I thought you would like, to what would be helpful to you in the future."

"Why Nolan? No one asked you to do that," she barked as she crossed her arms, taking control of her mind and body once more. No more tears.

"Because I love you Ems, I loved Amanda Clarke and I love Emily Thorne just the same," Nolan stated with puppy dog eyes that could make anyone's heart melt, or break.

"Well stop, because I don't deserve it," she said with full confidence, before she sat down on one of the carpeted benches used for observing the marine biology, or reading the pamphlets they gave you in the beginning, or the maps.

Nolan joined her and shook his head, his hair a floppy blonde mess at the moment. "Well, that's where you're wrong."

* * *

><p><strong>FLASHBACK<strong>

"This is all wrong."

Amanda Clarke tucked her dark hair behind her ears and looked at the engraved box in front of her. It sat on the coffee table that was held together by two cement blocks and glass. It was one of the few pieces in Nolan's first NYC apartment that could have been considered modern. She moved her eyes over the double infinity that David Clarke had likely carved into the box himself, with much precision and a steady hand.

Nolan looked up at her from the kitchen area with its stainless steel appliances and island with an overhanging place for pots and pans. He sauntered toward her and dried a dish in his hands. He didn't want to wait till it dried on its own before he could put it away. "How do you mean?"

"I shouldn't be sitting here with freaking Martha Stewart when there's so much to do, so much to say, so much, I don't know," she said, thinking out loud.

He cocked his head and thought of what to say. "Well that's why I'm here, to talk it through with you. There are steps to take if you want vengeance."

"There's a name in this box, a man, a number," she said in a hushed voice as if it was a secret she was willing to share with him.

"Go on," Nolan insisted as he switched the dish out for another one, keeping an open ear.

"His name is Satoshi Takeda, he lives in Japan," she stated in a flat voice.

"Your father briefly told me about him, said he might be able to help, but that was about it," he replied, just as flat, wishing he could give her more.

"So, I should call the number then?" she asked, looking to him for answers.

Nolan sighed and put the dishes away. He walked over to her and sat across from her once more. "You do know I'm not some Jiminy Cricket, genie, fortune teller type, right?"

She nodded as she bit her lip, putting perhaps too much pressure on it with her teeth. "I do."

"If you want to travel this road and take the vengeance route instead of the happily married with five babies one, then he's stepping stone numero uno."

"I can't go back to anything normal, not anymore," she exclaimed.

He wanted to argue with her, tell her that everything was going to be okay. He wanted to tell her that she was young and there was till time. That she could reverse things from the past and move on, but the words wouldn't form on his tongue. He tried to speak but his mouth became parched and his tongue felt languid and heavy, as if some greater, higher power wanted her to succeed in her journey. He wanted to tell her she could be normal, but what did he know about normalcy?

He didn't know anything at all.


	3. Azure

_(Authors Note: Sorry this chapter is short, it just had to be this way.)_

* * *

><p>"You don't know anything about what I deserve Nolan," she sneered, pain coursing through her veins, blood feeling less like blood and more like liquid steel.<p>

"Beg to differ, Ems," he replied, not scared of her getting rough with him. She had done that before, she had threatened him before with physical violence. She had told him that if he got in her way, she would make things very unpleasant for him.

Now, he was in her way.

He traipsed toward her and reached out, only to be rejected this time. "I once told you that you were the thorn in everyone's side, I was wrong. You're a rose."

She frowned and kept her eyes on the water and the things living within in, all that life. "You're just trying to butter me up now."

Nolan smirked, as he stood next to her again. With their relationship, they were always two steps behind. They'd moved in baby steps. He'd fall in with her footprints and then she'd get ahead of him.

"Is it working?" he asked as he tried to read her body language. He tried to see through her and wished for x-ray glasses that would work on emotions. Sometimes he could tell exactly what she was thinking when it came to business, but never pleasure, never personal feelings.

"Maybe a little," she murmured with a little smile on her sweet face.

To Nolan, she was an angel in disguise.

No, there was no disguise; she was just an angel with a desire to make others bleed.

In a way, Emily Thorne, Amanda Clarke, had saved his life. He had reached his peak in his early twenties. He accomplished everything he set out to do when he was so young. Going to MIT and graduating, feeling comfortable with his sexuality, and building a multi-billion dollar corporation from the ground up did wonders for his ego but once he did all that he felt like something was missing. Amanda Clarke was just that. She was what was missing in his uncomplicated life. Her life, gave his life, a purpose. He felt as if she was his destiny. If he could get himself on his feet, then he could get her on her feet. He set her on a path all those years ago and when she came back into his life; the need for her to stay became his goal.

"Do you want to go home?" he asked as he looked over at her warm visage. She had pulled herself together enough to look content and at peace.

"Home?" she repeated as she stared back at him, capturing his essence, falling into his eyes and losing herself for a moment.

He nodded and whistled to her as if he was telling her to follow him, and for once, she did.

* * *

><p><strong>FLASHBACK<strong>

"It all branches out like a spider. It has eight legs, and a giant web that's too sticky to get rid of," Amanda Clarke murmured as she sat on his balcony, holding a mug filled with tea he had brewed with loose black tea leaves. He was hardly a tea person but he kept it around just in case he had visitors who enjoyed the night time ritual. It was barely night, the sun had just began to set and was falling in the sky like the ball on New Year's Eve. It was slow paced but they had nothing else to wait for. He had joined her out there under the pinkish colors in the sky when he realized he didn't trust her to be alone, nor did he want her to think things through without him. It was nice for once in his life, to be needed.

"What does?" he asked as he smelled the scent of her tea from across the mini white wicker table that his distant Aunt Laurie had bought him in order to get close to him.

He accepted the present but did not remain close with her. Most of his family, who didn't care about him when he was a teenager, cared about him now, but only for his money. They were gold diggers to say the least and he wasn't going to be anyone's patsy. The only person he would take orders from would be Emily Thorne, later in his life.

"Everything in that box, it goes on forever," she said as she took a deep, heavy breath, that sounded like it hurt her lungs, like she was forcing trapped air out.

"Well, that just means you have time to sort things out, to get things right," he said as he stretched his lithe legs out so they were resting against the bars that kept them from jumping off the balcony, or falling off which would make more sense in their positions.

"I don't have time," she snarled as she nearly flung the saucer onto the table. She slammed the mug down and Nolan half expected it to shatter with the force. He didn't know what she meant.

"Says who? There's no rule book," he hissed back.

"Says me," she stated, with power in her voice. "The Grayson's get to live an apple pie life complete with a white picket fence and more money than they'd know what to do with. While they got to go to country clubs my father had to rot in jail and pay for **their **sins."

Nolan Ross nodded, strands of his hair falling in his face. He looked younger than he was. He always looked younger than he was which got him in trouble in grade school more than once.

"I know the story Amanda. It's not right what they did, but you're going to put it right, just not now. You need to prepare for the fight of your life. Rocky didn't get to just get up one morning and show up in the ring. He climbed those stairs, he drank those eggs," Nolan said in a soft voice, but one that let her know, he believed in her.

He saw a twinkle in her chocolate eyes, and knew she understood what he was saying. Sometimes he could give a good sermon.

"I am going to burn the Grayson family to the ground," she said as she stood up with the mug tight in her hands, nails that needed a good manicure.

"Serves them right," he said as they looked over the railing to see what was below. They watched people walk and interact with each other. High in their ivory tower they ruled over the commoners.

"They say if you drop a penny off the Empire State building and it lands on someone, they die. Do you think that's true?" he asked as he put his hands into his jean pockets.

Amanda Clarke shrugged and sighed to the sound of his voice. "Not sure, want to find out? You stand on the bottom and I'll toss some at you."

"I said one, not tons," he said as he nudged the teenager lightly with his shoulder, a moment he would try to recreate in the future as they walked down an urban street blooming with flowers.

"We'll throw them at Victoria and Conrad Grayson then. Or we'll play a game of one sided Frisbee where the Frisbee is a battle axe," she said, needing the thought of violence to keep her going.

"Let's feed you something you little sociopath," he said as he shuffled her inside.

She was grateful but also kept him at arm's length.

They walked inside and she looked at the box. She imagined it would be full of potential, regrets and material that would keep her alive. Part of her was scared to open it, but every time, she did. It was Pandora's Box; there was no getting around it.

Nolan looked in his freezer and cocked his head as he frantically searched for something edible. "I have frozen peas, vodka and strawberry ice cream. It's time to bring in the big guns with a New York Pizza, what do you say?"

Amanda grabbed the phone book for him, spotting it out in the open by where the bananas basked as they got some sun from the window. "I say, yes."

She would stay one night with him and then he would buy Amanda a one way plane ticket to Japan. The next day, she would embark on her journey.

He didn't want her to go. He liked her company. He wanted to keep an eye on her, but this journey was hers and hers alone.

* * *

><p>They drove in silence, their separate ways to Nolan's place and she arrived first. She looked up at the glass house and remembered his old place, his first NYC apartment. Times had changed, his style had changed. Everything was different now. He knew her all too well it seemed, and that scared her. Nothing scared her, but this just did. While she was intimate with Daniel and they had made love and told each other that they loved each other, her relationship and bond with Nolan was something bittersweet, something more real, corporeal.<p>

Her relationship with Daniel was real but it was based on secrets and lies. He was there because he was convenient to her. He was part of her plans and while she did care about him, she wasn't in love with him, even if everyone thought so. She loved the thought of him, of how things could be if her life was normal. She loved the idea of having what Emily Thorne could have, but deep down she knew she was still Amanda Clarke, and that Amanda Clarke had a hell of a job left to do.

She watched Nolan pull up and park and she pretended not to care. She kept her face flat and bored as she slipped her heels off. Holding them in her hands he walked toward her and held his keys in his fingers, moving the little metal hook between his middle finger and his thumb. "We could go inside, or we could go out to the back."

She smirked "What, do you think we're just going to go swimming?"

Nolan chuckled, and then made a joke that would not be taken well. "Skinny dipping, actually."

Emily's eyes went slightly wider, her pupils dilating. "I don't think so, in your dreams Nolan."

She walked to the backyard and let him track her, following in her footsteps. He turned the lights on outside so there was an artificial glow to the pool and to the night sky.

"Not as nice as the aquarium, but it will do," he said as he sat on the lounge chair.

"Nolan, why are we here?" she asked, as she often asked, and it drove him crazy. It was as if she didn't trust him.

"Why does there have to be a reason Ems? Can't we just enjoy it?" he asked as he pushed his lounge chair closer to hers. "Does everything have to be part of a bigger plan?"

"With me, yes," she stated as she moved away from him, dipping her feet in the pool for a moment. Nolan felt the urge to push her in the pool, to get her wet and make her see that there was such a thing as harmless fun. Not everything had to have a purpose.

"Well stop it, Satoshi Takeda may have taught you everything with a stiff upper lip but let me be your sensei now. Trust me."

She moved her shoulders in a way like she was contemplating his words, and she was. He was right; she never let loose. She never let her hair down. She never did something just for the sake of doing something. Everything she had done up until this point had been about the vengeance game. She felt as if she had come prepared to every event in the past few months, armed with a gun or a red marker. It was time to stop hiding behind props, even if it was just for one night.

"I trust you," she said as she felt a blush rise to her face. It felt weird but also natural.

It felt true.


	4. Cobalt

**FLASHBACK**

The scent of cherry blossoms filled her nose. They were pungent like perfume but smelled like spring. So far Amanda had only experienced spring since she had come to Japan. She wore purple yoga pants that clung to her body so she could work out and meditate. She had tried different positions that got her in touch with her inner chi. She always thought yoga and feng shui were utter shit but now that she was in harmony with her mind and body for once in her life, they were all that and a bag of chips.

Satoshi Takeda came out to her in the garden with three stones in his hand. The stones looked too smooth to be from the earth. They were almost a metallic, grey color. They lie flat in his palm. She rose to meet him and bowed.

"Amanda," he said as he bowed back, a little less enthusiastic than her. "Sit."

She listened obediently and he placed the three stones in her hand. "One is for fire, one is for patience and one is for love. It is your choice to take whichever stone you desire. You cannot have all three. You must choose one."

Three months ago she would have chosen fire, now she would have probably had to choose patience but in the future, would she want to choose love?

"Is this for real Satoshi San?" she asked respectfully, but with her own charm of a young adult. She was now 19 and Nolan Ross had sent her a care package recently, filled with hair dye, Ramen noodles and a picture of her father that he had scavenged from someone like a hungry vulture.

Takeda nodded and gave her a stern look, his brows furrowed and his accent rich, but he spoke in English now. "If you choose fire then you must not love, and you must not be patient. There is always something more you can do. If you choose patience then you cannot have fire for patience becomes the ripples over water, and you cannot have love because you must be willing to wait for bigger and better things, always."

He stopped for a moment, to take a breath. She kept her eyes transfixed on the smart, wise man before her.

"If you choose love then you cannot have fire because the love already consumes. If you add fire, then it will only burn. If you choose love, you cannot have patience because love simply happens when you don't expect. Love becomes you."

Amanda took a breath, terrified of what her answer would be. She was terrified that she even had to answer. She wanted all three.

"I can't choose," she said as a reply, to which the man only shook his head. He looked disappointed with her.

"Then you are not ready to leave here. You will be ready to leave when you can tell me with confidence what you choose, and not feel regret with your answer," he said in Japanese.

She understood. She would simply have to wait.

* * *

><p>Nolan didn't often swim in the pool, he usually basked in the sun like a turtle on his lounge chairs or had his breakfast by the pool. He'd drink refreshing cucumber water and just dip his feet in, but today, tonight was different. He had stripped down to his pants, exposing his chest to her. He took off his shoes and was now wading in the water that was always at a perfect temperature.<p>

"What are you waiting for!" he yelled to her as he shook his head like a shaggy dog, his hair splashing her knees.

"I'm not coming in there! Are you crazy?" she asked as she let her feet dunk under the water. She had no excuse about it being too cold.

"You tell me," he said as he swam toward her feet. "You're just going to watch?"

"I should get going," she murmured as she shifted her body anxiously.

"Put on one of the house bikinis and get your ass in here Ems. The water's great. Nothing better than a night swim," he said, trying to show off how amazing it was.

"Sleep is," she stated in a monotonous voice.

"You'll sleep when you're dead," he said as he splashed her again, getting her beige, cream pants wet. If he continued it would look like she had peed herself. "Relax a little. I know you love the water."

"I do," she said as she rolled her eyes.

"You only live once," he said in a husky deeper voice, trying to seduce her enough to get her into the water.

She cocked her head and tried not to think. Standing up she shimmied out of her pants, catching Nolan by surprise. If he was drinking anything at the moment he would have spit it out all over himself. Was she actually trying to live a different life? One where her ambitions and need for vengeance weren't controlling her? It seemed that way.

"You know, I do have house bikinis," he repeated. He wondered if she wanted to use one of them, instead of standing around in her underwear which was a nice, lacey and navy blue set.

"Again with house bikinis…" she sighed.

"They don't get much use; the last one to wear one of em was good ol' Fauxmanda."

"I'm fine, unless I intimidate you in this," she said as she took her blouse off.

"Quite the opposite, I should have taken my pants off, was scared you'd run away," he said with a smirk on his boyish face.

"You're not commando under your pants, are you?" she asked with a raised brow.

"Not a chance in hell," he said as he watched her dive into the deep end of the pool. When she came up for air she splashed him and he laughed.

"You're a good diver Ems. Is there anything you aren't good at?" he asked as he splashed her back.

"Keeping a straight face when you're around," she said as she let her legs do all the work.

Nolan was positively gleaming. His wet hair was slicked back and he looked more professional this way. Perhaps he looked older somehow, the age appearing at his forehead that he usually kept hidden. She liked it. "Good to know I can make you smile. I'm your beluga whale."

"We're whales right now," she said as she swam above the water.

"Yes…" he said as she swam with her, the two of them putting the large pool to good use. "We're whales."

The blonde pair took in some laps and began to race each other.

Whoever won, it didn't matter.

* * *

><p><strong>FLASHBACK<strong>

Water squirted out of the top of the fountain that lay in the middle of the courtyard. It was square and the top of the fountain was very "of the" Japanese culture with dragons and oriental designs. Amanda sat by it and ran her fingers through the water that was cool and refreshing after she had just worked out with some other people, sparring and packing punches with them. She was sweating in her outfit that resembled a white robe. The point of the robe was so it would limit her movement so that she could see what it would be like to fight with a disability. In fighting, people always have disabilities, she had learned.

Now it was time to find the disabilities of the Grayson family and everyone on those branches she had explored months ago in the box her father had given her. It was a weird sort of parting gift. While it resembled the past, it also stood for the future, if all things went as they were supposed to.

"You met a man," Satoshi Takeda stated as he crept up behind her.

Amanda turned to him and realized who was speaking. She jumped up and bowed to him as she was always supposed to, while at the retreat. "What man are you referring to?"

They both spoke in Japanese but she wasn't even close to being fluent yet, so it was broken dialogue. He resorted to English for now but he hoped she would learn at a faster pace. He believed that the better a person you were, the more knowledgeable you became.

"Months ago, a man came to meet you at the prison yard. A man named Nolan Ross," he murmured as he sat at the fountain, making her stand before him. He did not offer her to sit with him.

"Yes sir," she replied, not knowing why he was bringing this up here and now.

"He sends his regards. He sent a letter, the envelope says To Japan with love," Satoshi said, eying her.

She made a face and thought for a moment. She was about to reply before Takeda spoke once more. "Does this man love you Amanda?"

She shook her head. "No, no, it's, he's making a play of a Bond reference. He likes pop culture. You know, From Russia with Love."

Takeda pointed at her, now remembering the film with Sean Connery. He wasn't completely outdated. He was up to date with the rest of the world; it just didn't dawn on him since he took everything so seriously. "Oh, yes. Now I see clearly. Do make note Amanda, you have chosen the fire stone, which means love is on your path not traveled."

Amanda Clarke closed her eyes for a brief second as the world began to spin, she didn't like to over think but this man was training her to do so. Everything was a piece of a puzzle, and every move she would make, would have consequences dealing with other affairs. She had to tread carefully; she would always be walking on thin ice. She needed to break through, only when ready, only when the moment was right.

She watched Satoshi go off to help more troubled youth and then took a sip of water from the fountain, not knowing if it was forbidden or even if the water was clean enough to do so. She thought about Nolan, wondering what he was up to, wondering if Satoshi would let her read the letter.

She would read the letter a month later when Takeda felt she was ready. She did not like being controlled but she knew it was for the best. In the long run, she would come out on top.

The letter stated:

_Dear Amanda,_

_I don't know if you will even get this, or when, but if you do, just know, I hope you are well. I've sent you a few key things I thought you might need which include hair dye for that Gothic Barbie look you were going for, last I saw you. I sent you ramen noodles like any good friend would, and since you're not at college, we can just pretend. Last but not least, I sent you a picture of your father. I just found it among some old things, a storage bin that one of his associates was hanging onto. I don't know when I will see you again, but I hope your karate kid training is making you strong like Xena, warrior princess. Remember, wax on, and wax off. Keep your chin up. Good luck._

_-Nolan Ross_

* * *

><p>Out of breath, Emily sat on the edge of the pool and watched Nolan swim. He noticed her and did the same, finding that he too, was winded. He sat next to her and let their knees touch. She shivered and through her bra he could see her nipples poke through the fabric, not that he was looking.<p>

He realized how cool the air was tonight, and wondered why he didn't notice it before. He got up and handed her a towel, wrapping it around her shoulders like a shawl. He took one himself and dried his wet hair a bit before sitting on the towel next to her and wishing the water was warmer, like a bath.

"You okay?" he asked as he looked over at her.

She tucked her hair behind her ears, finding it heavy and a nuisance. Sometimes she wished she could just chop it all off, but she didn't think she could manage that look like others could.

"Yeah, I had fun," she said as she gulped and leaned back a bit, letting more air travel to her lungs.

"Me as well," he purred as he sat up, keeping good posture.

They looked at the water in the pool before he bit his tongue, finding himself at a loss for words. He stood up and went to the outdoor bar. He let his eyes browse from tequila, to vodka, to rum and decided to bring her the bottle of tequila. He set it down between them and watched her eyes just take it in. She unscrewed the cap and took a swig. It made her think of the old days when she used to hang out with the real Emily Thorne, before they officially switched identities. Right after Emily had gotten out of juvie.

He watched her face contort for a moment before she swallowed it down like a champ. He did the same and she watched him. They looked up at the stars and felt so small, but not alone.

Wiping her mouth, Emily looked over at him, "I think, we need to talk."

Nolan held the bottle in his hands, like it was a safety blanket. "All we do is talk," he said as he blinked once, and then a few more times.

This began to make Emily think he was trying to do Morse code. She brushed the thought aside before letting the side of her knee, bump his. She let it linger for far too long and felt warmth rise to her cheeks. At least that part of her body would be comfortable, because the rest of her felt cold and twitchy as she began to over think every word, every blink, every chirp of the crickets, where they sat together.

"I have something to tell you Nolan," she stated as she kept her copper eyes on his lighter pair.

He took a breath preparing for the worst, but deep down he knew that it might be the best words she would ever utter to him.


	5. Electric

**FLASHBACK**

The words just wouldn't come out right on the page. Maybe she didn't like her handwriting. It looked so immature. She tried to change the way she curved and formed the letters but didn't find those to her liking either. Lately she wasn't doing so well with making decisions. It was a challenge she was working through, with Takeda.

She kept her eyes on the page, the parchment that was thick, and hoped it would fold nicely and neatly into a common standard envelope. She didn't know what to say, that a whole different issue. She searched her headspace for words, a common thread, something that would pull all her feelings together.

Satoshi Takeda had taught her that emotions only got in the way, the only emotion she needed was anger and hunger for the pain. She had rewritten this letter about five times and each time she would have trouble with it. She would toss it into the trash and crumble it with her hands. It was so hard to build, but so easy to destroy.

Perhaps she was a perfectionist, she wanted to get it all **just **right but time was running out, she couldn't spend her whole life trying to send a simple letter to a friend. She wrote the word "friend" on a scrap piece of paper and then traced the curves and curls of her handwriting on the scripted F. She heard noises from outside, chatter, and felt as if she was being watched. Her whole life she had felt as if she was being judged for who her father was, or watched by someone. Paranoia made sense to have with everything she had been through since such a young age.

Everyone else at the retreat had made friends, she had made enemies. There were a few people there she might have thought of as future associates or acquaintances but overall she didn't know what a friend was. She would know what a friend was in the future though, but first, she had a letter to write.

Her eyes panned over the blank page and she pretended she was reading a letter. She pretended she had received another letter from the young businessman and dreamt of what she hoped it might say in it. It was a good start but she began to feel that she was dreaming too big. She gave up soon after and wrote a simple letter. She wondered if he would ever even get it or if he cared at this point since it had been two months without them conversing.

_Dear Nolan, _

_Thank you for the Ramen noodles, I ended up eating them with chopsticks like how we eat everything else over here. I'll have you know that I'm really craving New York Pizza at the moment and it's completely your fault. You spoiled me that one night in the city and in the morning with those bagels. I got the hair dye but I've decided to go with a different color, a different path for my hair. It needs to grow out a bit before I can touch any products again. Thank you for the photo of my father, he looks happy there, as I remember him. Hopefully our paths will cross again, maybe if we are lucky, before I am 21. Take care._

_-Sincerely, Amanda Clarke _

She looked at the words, and promptly, tossed it with the others.

She never tried to write the letter again.

By the time she had thought about Nolan Ross again, she had nothing left to say.

* * *

><p><strong>PRESENT<strong>

.Nolan and Emily hugged their towels to keep warm, they could see their breath in the air and it reminded her of fog. He looked over at her and turned his body toward her, sitting Indian style. She did the same and felt like they were children in a camp, telling each other secrets.

She didn't speak and he didn't dare break the silence. He waited and then became impatient, his mind stirred and he wanted to talk before it turned to mush.

"You rang?" he asked, as he tried to get her attention.

She perked up and slapped her hands on her knees. "Right, sorry. Talking…"

She looked away and tension filled the tight space. "Ems, it's just me and you here, you don't have to hide. Shit, if there is any place you can be yourself, master of disguise, then it's at La casa de Ross."

"I wrote you a letter," she blurted out as she stood up and got dressed. He cocked his head and watched her step into her pants and she buttoned the buttons at the high waist.

"I'm sorry, you might have to make that a double," he said as he nearly spilled the bottle of tequila over. She stood there in the cream colored slacks and a navy blue bra, soaked through, and spotted the bottle since he moved it with his hand, creating a clank.

The sound reminded her how badly she needed a drink. She reached for it and drank from it before setting it on the table out there.

"I wrote you a letter, almost nine years ago," she said as she pulled her blouse over her head and leaned against the table.

He stood up in his wet pair of pants from the pool and shivered from the night air on his skin. "Alright Ems, elaborate por favor."

She walked and her walking then turned to pacing. She paced and then she stopped. She would no longer hide, there would be no more running away, and she knew it. Now, she had to write the letter. She couldn't just toss her words in a waste bin and pretend they never existed.

"When I went to Japan, when I first met Satoshi Takeda you sent me a care package that came with a letter. Do you remember Nolan?" she asked as she stood tall, becoming confident in her own skin.

"Yeah, I remember. Sent dear little Amanda some fancy doo-dads and useless trinkets," he said as he walked toward her like a peasant searching for gold.

"They weren't useless," she said in a stern voice, letting him know she meant it. "I got everything a month after you originally sent it."

He never got a thank you, not that he expected one, but she was about to tell him why.

"That sucks, I'm sorry…"-

He was about to go on but Emily put a finger to his lips so briefly; he thought he had dreamed it.

"I wrote you back, it was a stupid letter. God was it shit Nolan, but I wrote it," she murmured.

"I never got a letter," he stated firmly as he looked at his arms, not sure where to put them. He didn't feel right in his own skin at the moment. Also he felt a lot more exposed than he would have liked.

"I didn't send it," she said, with a mouth full of regret. "I was too scared."

Nolan scoffed, unsure of how to react to that. "Scared? People are scared of bees and sharks and heights and death, not of writing letters, least not to my knowledge."

She shrugged "Maybe you don't know me as well as I thought," she said in a sour voice as she grabbed her purse and began to walk away from him.

"Emily."

She walked quickly, forgetting about her heels altogether. He looked at the heels and didn't like how they looked there, empty and forgotten. He felt like the prince at the ball waiting for Cinderella to return. She was almost out of his yard before he ran to her.

"Emily!" he called to her as he gripped her wrist. She felt threatened and did what she had trained to do.

Emily Thorne pushed Nolan him against the side of his house. He was squished there, pinned against the glass. His bare skin pressed into the window pane and she breathed hard, ripe with anger.

"Amanda…" he hissed out in pain, confused and pumping with adrenaline.

The sound of her actual given name on his lips made her feel at home and warm. Her body no longer felt frozen, but instead, she was content and at ease. With him, she could be herself and that was a blessing.

They looked into each others eyes for a moment before she leaned forward and let her lips meet his. The man nearly squeaked into her mouth from the shock, but also from the awe.

His large hands cupped her face very gently as if she was so fragile, she would break. The kiss deepened and she pressed her body against his as she gripped his hair at the back of his head, keeping him there. She didn't need words; she didn't need to write a letter because this was everything she needed to say.

Nolan moaned into her mouth, losing himself against the warm confines of her lips and how she clung to him. He felt needed, he felt wanted and that made them something extraordinary.

He wanted to live in this moment but they were untimely ripped apart when Emily pulled back and just looked into his face as if she were once again, searching for the right words.

"You don't have to talk Ems," he said, as he thought he saw regret in her face.

"I'm engaged to Daniel," she said shaking her head and looking down at her shoes.

"And I'm the Queen of England, look… I know, it can't happen again," he hissed as he put his hands on her shoulders and eased her backwards like she was made of foam, light as a feather.

Emily Thorne put her purse back onto her shoulder and eyed him.

Nolan spoke in a genuine voice. "If you had any idea what you meant to me…"

She spoke in a delicate manner, careful not to say anything she didn't mean, careful to choose her words wisely. "Baby steps Nolan, baby steps."

He watched her walk away into the darkness and wondered when they would talk again. He smiled to himself as he listened to the breeze pick up and the water sloshed around in the pool.

A storm was coming and he was already feeling lightning burst throughout his entire body like fireworks.

* * *

><p><strong>FLASHBACK<strong>

A light dusting of snow crept up on them all. It was the first of the winter and it was quite a celebration, they had all made it this far. The crisp smell of the snowflakes covering the ground was superb as they all made their way outside holding each others arms as if they needed the guidance. Amanda Clarke chose to see the snow alone; she didn't need a human anchor to enjoy the way the seasons changed in Japan. Why did everyone have to make everything so sentimental all the damn time? Satoshi Takeda had told her not to be emotional, so now she was stone cold.

She was about to leave Japan, and she had a plane ticket for wherever she wanted to go; she just had to make a decision. She thought about visiting Nolan Ross, surprising him after all this time but then she realized how ill-advised it would be.

She tread through the snow without proper boots and realized that was why she was treading in the first place. She watched her "friend" Avery Williams with her ginger colored hair, stick out her tongue and taste the melting snow. It began to sink in that she wouldn't be having any fun anymore, not that she was a big ball of sunshine before she had come to Japan, but still. Everything was setting in, plans were being made, and she had set agendas and goals for herself. She was a new person and she knew who she needed to become.

She needed to become, Emily Thorne.


	6. Whale Song

_(Author's Note: Okay you guys, we've made it to the end. Let me tell you, it's been really fun and lovely writing this piece. I wanted to explore their relationship, their friendship and what they meant to each other in their past. Now we know what they were in the past, how they are in the present and possibly what could become in the future. It's all up in the air but I tried to stay true to the show and how I thought things would play out._ _Enjoy the final chapter__ and read and review my other stories please. Tell your friends. Also message me with requests for Revenge fics if you are hankering for something. xoxo)_

* * *

><p>The silence became deafening, and in her sleep she tried to find a common ground. She began to confuse dreams with reality and she shifted, and tossed, and turned. It was bad enough that Daniel was incarcerated but what was worse was the fact that she had stepped over the line tonight. She had crossed the friendship line and had gone straight into lover's territory. The thing that made it terrible though, was that she didn't regret it.<p>

She could hardly sleep so she got out of bed and looked at herself in the mirror. She thought about everything that had happened from the moment she had come back to The Hamptons. She remembered the first day she had officially come back, when Lydia gave her the key to her old house. She remembered her first fight with Nolan that ended in tears even though neither of them would admit to it. She remembered finding out that Charlotte Grayson was her half-sister, and it hurt that she could never tell her the truth. Nolan Ross had been there with her, every step of the way and the man was ever so devoted.

She wondered what would happen if Daniel ever found out the truth about her, about her true identity. He surely wouldn't stay because he told her before that he didn't like lies. He had told her that he couldn't take any more of them. She thought about Jack as she sashayed down the stairs and to the kitchen where she planned to make herself a large cup of black tea or maybe raspberry herbal tea, for the slight bitter taste. Jack would be so thrilled if he knew the truth, he would probably move in with her, and Sammy would be back where he belonged. Back to where it all began.

She thought about the consequences that would follow though, and as she sipped her tea she realized she could never tell. This was just one thing that could not slip through her fingers, not until her revenge had taken its full effect on those who ruined her life and her father's life.

She looked at the clock up by the corner in the kitchen, the one by the refrigerator that seemed to light up the room even when it was closed. It was early, earlier than she had expected it to be. The bitterness from the tea made her feel like she had been stabbed in the gut, but it was probably just nerves.

She picked up her phone and looked at her recent calls, and lately, they had all been from Nolan. When she wasn't at his place, or picking a fight with the Grayson family, she was calling him or he was calling her… so much for not getting attached.

* * *

><p>Nolan stumbled into his living room and sat on his macaroni and cheese colored sofa. He crossed his legs and realized he should change his pants. They were dripping all over the house but he was still so taken aback by the events that had just unfolded. Parts of him were shocked, but other parts weren't surprised at all. He looked at his waterproof watch, the thing bright yellow and obnoxious, and saw it was pretty early. He wondered if Big Ed was still around, so he got up and looked for him around the house. He called out his name and was finally joined by the large man who looked like he could bench press your entire family all at once.<p>

"Hey boss," Ed said as he looked at the water that Nolan had dripped all over the floor. It would dry soon enough, thanks to evaporation.

Nolan raised a brow, wondering if Ed had seen them out in the pool. He didn't even think about that beforehand. Ed was so quiet he often forgot when the man was working for him. "Hey big guy, how goes things?"

Ed answered, but mostly he kept things about business. "The perimeter is secure."

Nolan nodded as he made Ed follow him to his bedroom. He wanted to take a shower, but first he needed to pick out something to wear to bed. He usually just wore his robe or undergarments but he was cold, so silk pajama bottoms were all the rage. The pair he chose was a deep purple. It made him feel like he was a very tall, lean eggplant. "Well, unless Tyler Barrol has an evil twin, I doubt we'll ever get anything too threatening. Everyone's all bite, no bark."

"Isn't it better that way?" Ed asked as he got Nolan a towel from the large linen closet in the hallway by his room since the towels from the master bathroom were in the laundry.

"You speak the truth mighty mouse," he said. That was his nickname for Ed since the man was meek but also strong and large and intimidating because of his stature and build.

Ed handed Nolan the towel that was the color of a baby chicken, soft and yellow. Nolan held it to his face since his hair was still wet and for some reason the air conditioning was on. "Thanks Mr. Ross," he said in a formal fashion.

"You're welcome Eddie, don't worry, you're welcome to hulk out on any intruders. I just don't see it happening anytime soon," he murmured as he tried not to think of the kiss.

Big Ed took a note that he should turn off the air conditioner before he left. "Did you have a nice night Mr. Ross?"

Nolan thumbed through his planner, seeing if he had any meetings or events for work. "Hmm? Oh, well it was…memorable."

"Well, that's what counts, right?" Ed asked, confused by their personal talk, he didn't mind it. Nolan was an amusing man, always had something to say.

Nolan turned the shower on and seemed to be everywhere at once, in and out, in and out. "Perhaps," he purred. He had a lot of thinking to do. "Well if you want to watch me shower…" he teased, letting Big Ed know he could go home for the night.

Big Ed nodded and went off his own way which made Nolan wonder what Emily was thinking. Was she having as many thoughts as he was? Was she finding it hard to sleep, or was she sleeping like a lamb?

Maybe he'd ask her, in the morning.

* * *

><p>Sun filtered through her blinds and shone against her face so that when she woke up she had to quickly cover her eyes. She groaned and looked over at the empty space in the bed, wishing someone was there to share the sun with her.<p>

She reached for her cell phone and contemplated calling Nolan just to see what he would sound like when he was still half asleep. She realized just then that she didn't know if he was an early riser or not but she was pretty sure he liked to sleep. She was often up at the crack of dawn because she didn't like her days to go to waste.

There was always something to be done.

She realized that the only time she called Nolan was when she needed something, she figured, something had to be done about this as well.

She text him and told him she wanted to see him.

* * *

><p>Nolan woke up to the sound of the text message and looked over at it, eyes heavy and tired. He rubbed the sleep from them and read the words. Emily wanted him to meet her at a private beach that way they couldn't be followed by paparazzi and the media, who wanted to talk to her about Daniel Grayson's case.<p>

That was the last thing she needed.

He nearly fell out of the king sized bed even though he never thought it would be possible, but he had slept near the edge for some reason, as if he was expecting someone to join him in the night. Those were only dreams though.

He was sick of dreaming, he wished he could make his fantasies, a reality.

He just wanted to be free.

When he was getting ready he felt like he was dressing up for a date and when he drove to this beach he felt butterflies in his stomach, but it also might have been the lack of a breakfast he had. The man had a fast metabolism so he needed to eat very often. He made sure not to have strawberries because Emily was allergic to them, something he learned all those years ago. He loved strawberries, but he liked her better.

He would make the sacrifice.

* * *

><p>Walking onto the beach wearing a baby blue windbreaker and tight white pants with tan leather loafers he found Emily Thorne wearing a pale pink sweater with capris and slip on shoes that made her look she was about to go sailing. She had evaded the paparazzi it seemed and he was grateful for that.<p>

She looked over at the ocean and felt so small compared to it. No wonder. He joined her and they didn't say anything at first.

He could smell the seaweed that was washing up upon the shoreline but he hardly saw it. He had good senses but he couldn't tell what she was feeling. He wished he had some psychic abilities instead of superb olfactory senses.

"Good morning," he said as he looked to her. He hoped she would give him something.

"More like afternoon," she replied as she scoffed. The little sound she made was more playful than hostile.

"Sorry, I'm a late sleeper compared to you," he said watching the waves.

"It doesn't matter. My day has been freed up. Victoria decided she wanted to visit Daniel today," she said with a sigh.

Nolan felt a pang of jealousy and it came out. "Trying to clear your conscience, eh?"

Emily snapped at him, eyes dark and her vision was blurred for a moment, but he was right. She didn't reply, she didn't want to lie anymore.

"Are you jealous I'll be spending time with a handsome young poet?" she said in a bitter voice, like she wanted to dig deep and get under his skin.

He would dig right back "How romantic your time together must be surrounded by bars and the smell of stale bread. I bet he looks great in that little jumpsuit."

"Don't push your luck," she said as she crossed her arms, trying to make herself feel more at home by sinking her feet into the sand, her shoes off, waiting for the water to wash over her toes.

"And why am I lucky?" he asked as he took his shoes off, doing the same, just to remain on her level.

"Because I didn't smack you just then," she murmured as she felt the cool rush of the water reach all the way up to her ankles. She closed her eyes and he sighed.

"There's nothing you can do to me to make me leave," he stated as he spoke in a serious tone.

"Things kind of happened out of the blue, Nolan," she said as she turned to him, their feet in the sand.

"I think they were a long time coming, if you ask me," he purred, eyes steady on hers, captivating her so she wouldn't pull away. He was almost hypnotic.

"I don't know what to do Nolan; everything is a mess right now. I think you've noticed. First you fall for a hooker…"

"I didn't fall for him, I slept with him, there's a big difference," he said as he rolled his eyes.

"Let me finish," she said, giving him an order she knew he would follow. "Then I find out about Charlotte, then Amanda comes into town, it's a lot all at once. Now look where Daniel is, there's no room for me to be questioning things at this point," she said as she bit her lower lip, keeping pressure there.

"I didn't ask you to question your motives. I know what you need to do, I've known from the beginning. Since the day I met you, I knew you'd be a challenge," he said as he touched her shoulder.

"Everything's all over the place Nolan," she said as she leaned into him, accepting his touch when she could easily pull away.

"Let me bring you back down to earth then," he said as he cupped her face, before leaning in to her. He made it seem as if he was going to kiss her and she felt her heart pound. She wondered if anyone was watching. She wondered if this would be a Kodak moment or not. His lips brushed against hers very softly and at that moment she forgot about the world around her.

He pulled back and stood at her side. "I know we can't Ems, I know you've got work to do. I know I'm needed as an associate, not as a lover. You've got your hands full with that. How unfortunate…" he husked.

She licked her lower lip as if she was trying to taste him, as if she was trying to keep him with her but she didn't have to ask if he'd stay.

"You're needed as a friend Nolan. You're very important," she said to him.

He reached over and grabbed her hand, holding it tight in his own much larger one. They were now hand in hand, side by side, feet sinking in the sand with a wave coming to crash against them. Together they were strong.

"I'll always be here for you Amanda. Revenge comes first, but when that's all over, I'll still be here. Till then we have the ocean, we have the sea, and we'll always have the whales, you know, unless they go extinct," he muttered.

Emily Thorne laughed and squeezed Nolan Ross's hand, letting him know she appreciated him.

They looked into the ocean blue, letting it thrust against their pale skin. She sighed and the slight breeze blew their blonde hair against the currents.

"I love you Nolan," she said as she felt that the two of them were now equal.

He grinned and looked like a school boy even though he was way past that phase.

Peter Pan had found his Wendy and now he could finally grow up.


End file.
